Playwright

For my Intro to Theater class, we had to split up into groups and write a play. Given only 40 minutes, we were expected to write a tragedy or a comedy that would last around 10 minutes on stage. For what we had to work with, I'm really impressed that we could pull off something like this. Its actually pretty funny. The four of us practiced it downstairs in the lobby. Not quite 10 minutes and none of us can act very well, but I'm proud of it.
Here goes, it opens with three old women in an apartment watching the Colts game. Their cheering disturbs their middle-aged landlord, Rusty (Me).

Three Old Ladies and an Appartment on a Sunday Afternoon

Comedy

Characters: Agnus AKA Agie…………..Tasha
Rusty…………………………Sam
Bernadette AKA Bernie…….Shannon
Francis AKA Frankie………..Beth

(Three old ladies watching the Colts on T.V. in an apartment being very energetically charged.)

Francis: My o my, those cheerleaders have such short skirts!
Agnus: With all that cheering in the first half, the grip on my dentures is feeling a little weak.
Bernadette: That Poly grip ooze works wonders. We should send some to those cheerleaders to keep their skirts down.

(All chuckle, and Agnus’s dentures fall out.)

Francis: Shhh Shhhh! The game is on!
Agnus: Oh, but it’s 5:00, I got to go to bed. The game’s our anyway….(up by 20)
Bernadette: What??? Are you crazy???? You got to stick it out till the end!
Francis: All they need is some encouragement!

(Agnus begins to walk away.) “Check on cookies”

Bernadette: Marvin broke loose
Francis: He’s running fast!
Bernadette: Look at him go!
Bernadette/Francis: 20……10……5……TOUCHDOWN!

(Cheering and yelling! A few minutes later the ladies hear someone knocking on their door.)

Agnus: Who would be knocking on the door at this hour?
Francis: We aren’t expecting any visitors, are we?
Rusty: Open up!
Agnus: Hold your britches!

(Agnus slowly reaches the door!)

Agnus: Oh Jimmy! Hey girls it’s my son, Jimmy paying his ole momma a visit!
Rusty: Hold on …..Hold on….I’m not …..(Interrupted by Agnus)
Agnus: Of course you are, I haven’t seen you since Christmas, How’s Darlene?
Rusty: Let me finish. I’m not your son. I’m Rusty, your landlord!

(Rusty enters Room.)

Bernadette: What’s the landlord doing up here again, I think he has a crush on one of us.
Francis: What’s the problem, Rusty?
Rusty: Well, I’ve been getting some complaints from the other residents about the noise.
Agnus Noise, what noise?
Rusty: I can hear you all the way down on the first floor!
Agnus: What floor are we on?
Francis: Agnus, hun, we are on the third floor!
Rusty: I’m trying to do the Sunday crossword and can’t think with all this noise. Now you turn down the volume in here or I won’t allow you to keep your cats!
Bernadette: Mittens….Not our precious Mittens!
Francis: Okay….Okay…we’ll behave ourselves, won’t we girls?

(Bernadette and Agnus nod their heads in agreement.)

Francis: Have a great day Mr. Rusty!
Rusty: Yeah, Yeah, I don’ want to have to come up here again!

Agnus: (Shuts the door and yells,) Bye Jimmy!
Francis: O that Rusty, he gets us every time!
Bernadette: His beard is so bushy, I’m afraid a squirrel might jump out and bite me.
Agnus: How come we can’t keep our Mittens, but he can have a squirrel?
Francis: O’ fiddle, that boy Rusty always gets on us for having a little hip in our giddy, but he never gets on those youngsters down the hall!
Bernadette: How are those cookies coming along there, Agie?
Agnus: I’m getting ready to put on the chocolate icing.
Bernadette: O’ let me add my special ingredients!

(Bernadette pulls out her bottle of pills and use them to spruce up the icing.)

Francis: What are you doing?
Bernadette: That Rusty gets on my nerves sometimes, so I just want to get rid of him.
Francis: Yeah…I knoo…..O my goodness, the Colts are on just about to make a touchdown!

(Cheering and yelling takes place. Reciting play by play of the game. The game gets really tense, and it goes to commercial break. Casual talk begins and is soon interrupted with the return of the Colt’s game action. Once again, a knocking on the door silences the hysteria.)

Agnus: Look it’s squirrel boy!
Rusty: What, squirrel boy, never mind. I wanted to apologize for what I did earlier. I was working on my crossword, and it sounded like you all were having a good time, so I wanted to see what was up.
Agnus: Awww. That’s sweet of you Jimmy! Here, have a cookie
Bernadette: No, No…Don’t eat that….Mitten’s just peed in the frosting bowl. Let’s get a cookie without the frosting.
Rusty: Mmmmm….just like my mom used to make!
Agnus: Oh Jimmy, I knew you were my favorite!

(The old ladies realize that they actually have something in common with Rusty, all are Colt’s fans. With their common interest, Bernadette, Agnus, and Francis invite Rusty to join them every Sunday to watch the afternoon football games.)